


My LARP Buddy is a Witch (and I had to Find out From a Demon)

by Akira_of_the_Twilight



Series: My Roommate is a Demon (and There is Going to be Trouble) [10]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demons, Demon Tony Stark, Established- James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton/Steve Rogers, M/M, Magic, OT4, Polyamory, Pre-StarkSpangledWinterHawk, Series, Slow Build, The slowest of builds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 11:42:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7313875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akira_of_the_Twilight/pseuds/Akira_of_the_Twilight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's lessons in Demonology time.</p><p>Bad analogies are made, Clint and Bucky think about sex, secrets are almost revealed.</p><p>Oh, and Wanda is a witch. Who knew?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“When it comes to fighting demons, you three are better off fleeing than fighting, but unless you have a way to stop a demon from chasing you down or teleporting in front of you, all of you are screwed.” Tony slapped down an old book that was falling apart at the seams onto the coffee table.

“Now you can try a few prayers, a rosary, a crucifix, or whatever, but unless you have some kind of power already locked away inside of you, those things aren’t going to do much for you.” Tony flipped open to a dog-eared page that was filled with runes and a language Clint did not recognize.

Clint dragged the book closer to himself. “I summoned you though, so does that mean I have some kind of power?”

“Does making a phone call automatically make you an expert in building phones?” Tony asked.

Steve wrinkled his nose and pulled the book toward himself to study the page. “I don’t think that is a good analogy. Making a phone would be the equivalent of making a spell. We’re talking about powering a spell, which metaphorically speaking would be the same as Clint charging a phone.”

Tony pulled an annoyed face but nodded in agreement. “Okay, compare it to TV dinners versus gourmet food. One requires just pushing a button and another requires a certain amount of skill and talent.”

Bucky looked at Tony questioningly. “That’s the comparison you chose?”

Tony imitated Bucky shutting his mouth with his hand. ”Shush all of you. What I’m trying to get at is that any idiot can use an Ouija board, tarot cards, or any other of that stuff, but when it comes to getting rid of demons, or at least keeping them at bay, you can’t just have any amateur helping you.

“Now in a perfect world where you three can go toe to toe with a demon in a physical altercation any weapon forged in Hell would help. Sadly, I only had a moment when Clint summoned me, so I wasn’t able to grab any weapons on my way out from Hell.”

“And there is no black market for them here?” Bucky said, his tone indicating that he didn’t believe for a second that there weren’t weapons from Hell on Earth.

Tony grinned at Bucky. “Have I mentioned recently how much I love your brain? So smart and so quick. Yes, there are weapons from Hell here. They’re not easy to come by, and you’d need to sell more than one soul to get your hands on one of them.”

“So we can’t use magic, and we don’t have any weapons from Hell.” Steve nodded. “Sounds like things are going great already.”

Clint grinned. “And here I thought you liked a challenge.”

“I think demons in general would be pretty challenging.” Steve glanced up at Tony. “Not aimed at you.”

Tony held up his hands. “Trust me, I am not offended. Also, luckily for us, we don’t have a ticking clock and there are other solutions. It just means that the three of you don’t get to run around like a bunch lunatics stabbing people left and right.”

Clint quirked an eyebrow. “Did someone recently binge watch a season or two of _Supernatural_?”

“Just because I appreciate that we don’t have to act like a bunch of serial killers to solve our issues doesn’t mean I watched your cute little TV show.”

Clint smirked. “I heard the condescension in your voice. You watched it.”

“And it hurt my feelings. I feel horribly misrepresented.”

“Have you not told us numerous times how terrible Hell and everyone in it is?” Bucky asked.

“I can still be upset, okay?” Tony grabbed the book he’d put on the coffee table and pointed to one of the runes. “What you have here are wards that you can have tattooed on your body to protect you from any potential possession, mind control, and what I would like to call the demon-whammy.”

Clint and Bucky shared a look.

Steve hit them with a deadpanned stare. “Don’t you two say what I know you’re thinking.”

Clint frowned. It wasn’t Bucky or his fault that Tony’s name sounded like demon sex.

“So what is the demon-whammy?” Bucky asked.

Tony gave the three of them an incredulous look. He shook his head and prattled off, “Clint wants to become some demon fighting superhero with special powers, you want to protect Steve and Clint, and Steve….” Tony frowned at Steve. “Steve wants to find a solution too, but he also wants Bucky’s approval about something. It’s hard for me to detect clearly because Steve’s priority is finding a solution, but—”

Steve cleared his throat and crossed one leg over the other. “I think we know what you mean by demon-whammy now.”

Clint stiffened next to Steve. His conversation with Steve from the night before played in his head. He’d encouraged Steve to kiss Tony, but only after receiving Bucky’s approval. After the conversations that all of them had had this morning, it was no surprise that Steve hadn’t had that specific conversation with Bucky yet.

Bucky looked worriedly at Steve. “Do we need to go outside and talk?”

Steve shook his head. “It’s not important right now. Let’s work on our defense against those who might come after us and then we can talk.”

Bucky nodded, but his face gave away his concern.

“Anyway, back to demon protection,” Tony said. “As long as you three are okay with getting tattoos this would be a good first step. There are other things we can do, such as hunt down amulets or get our hands on a potion, but those things present other problems.”

Bucky huffed and leaned into the couch. “Not a huge fan of tattoos, but if it’s the best solution, I am all for it.”

Steve frowned. “Does it matter where the tattoo is located? I’m going to need to keep it covered up at work.”

“It will be more effective the closer it is to your heart.”

Steve nodded.

Clint grinned. “I’m all for tattoos. Always wanted one, but could never find one that I was sure I wanted permanently on my body.”

“Good.” Tony smiled. “Now, we’ll just need to get in contact with your friend Wanda and see if she can help you out.”

“Wanda?” Clint asked.

“She’s a witch,” Tony stated.

“Yeah, when we were LARPing, but—”

Steve rested his hand on Clint’s knee. “Clint, I think what Tony is saying is that Wanda is a real witch.”

Clint’s head snapped to Tony.

Tony shrugged. “I told you before. It’s not my fault you didn’t listen.”

Clint gaped. “You’re shitting me.”

“I’m not.”

Clint couldn’t shut his jaw. He just kept staring at Tony in disbelief.

Bucky waved his hand in front of Clint’s face. “I think Tony broke Clint.”


	2. Chapter 2

“You’ve been lying to me all these years,” Clint repeated for the fifth time since arriving at Wanda’s. Honestly, if he could cry on command, he would do so now just for dramatic flare.

And maybe out of pettiness too. Clint was normally quick to forgive, but one of his closest friends had been keeping a secret from him for years; he was allowed a few minutes of dickish behavior.

Wanda was unaffected by his remark. Instead she rolled her eyes and flipped her hair over her shoulder as she boiled a kettle of tea for Tony, Clint, Steve, and Bucky. “I didn’t lie. I told you I practiced witchcraft.”

“Yeah, but I thought you meant Wicca, not witchcraft like what you see in the movies.”

Wanda wrinkled her nose—and Clint was not ashamed to admit he might have held his breath and waited for something to happen just then. “It’s not exactly like in the movies.”

“Details!” Clint threw his arms up and smacked Steve on the head on accident. Clint, his boyfriends, and Tony were all seated around a small table in Wanda’s kitchen, and none of them had any elbow room.

Bucky grabbed Clint’s arms and lowered them to table. “Forgive him, he’s in a theatrical mood right now.”

“I think I have the right to be, considering the circumstances.”

Steve rubbed his head where Clint had hit him. “Do you think you could be less dramatic with your arms though?”

“Well, while these three work through their abusive relationship, let’s talk business.” Tony clasped his hands in front of him and sat up straighter. “As previously stated, I want to protect these adorable idiots from the rest of my kind.”

The tea kettle shrieked and Wanda flicked off the stove. “Effective charms take time to make, and you would not want me to make one for another ten days. The moon’s phase is wrong for protection based spells and charms.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of protective runes.”

Wanda pulled out five mugs from her cupboard. One had a black cat on it, and Clint was filled with both amusement and a sense of betrayal at the sight. He’d sipped from that very cup. He never would have considered it a clue to Wanda’s identity.

Clint mentally paused and assessed himself.

Yeah, he’d gone from understandably dramatic to crazy. It was time for him to take a deep breath and chill.

Clint breathed in through his nose and out his mouth.

“Runes would be more doable.” Wanda set down the black cat mug in front of Clint. She also set down a mug for Bucky then went back to the counter to grab two more mugs for Steve and Tony. “But they won’t last long unless they are tattooed, burned, or scarred into the skin.”

Clint shuddered as he cupped his mug. “Ink. We were thinking ink.”

Wanda nodded, picking up her mug of tea and sipping it as she leaned against her kitchen counter. “A wise decision, but you’re going to run into a few problems. You’ll want ink that has either been blessed or has blood from a mythical creature who offers protection. Not dragon blood though. Dragons and demons share a connection.”

Bucky choked on a mouthful of tea. “Dragons?”

Steve shook his head and grumbled to himself.

“Well, duh,” Clint responded.

Steve tossed an annoyed look in Clint’s direction. “How is your friend being a witch hard for you to accept, but the existence of dragons doesn’t bother you at all?”

Clint shrugged.

“Fuck.” Bucky gripped his mug tight. “Dragons. How does no one know about them? You have to be shitting me, right?”

“Most dragons hang out in Hell or the Otherworld.” Tony pushed his drink around with his finger but made no move to actually sip from the mug. “Very few live on Earth, and most of them spend their time sleeping deep underground or on undiscovered islands.”

“Not to sound like Voldemort, but how about Unicorn blood?" Clint asked. "They aren’t creatures of protection, but they are pure, so maybe that purity—”

Wanda and Tony burst with laughter.

Clint frowned. “By that reaction I’m guessing unicorns are not that pure.”

Bucky cursed. “Unicorns too?”

Steve reached under the table, over Clint’s lap, and squeezed Bucky’s knee.

“A newborn unicorn? Yes. An older one?” Tony smirked. “They’re just a bunch of perverts with a virgin obsession.”

Wanda nodded. “It will probably be easier for you to find a priest to bless your ink.”

“You sure you have nothing that we could use?” Tony laid on the charm and playfully batted his eyelashes at Wanda.

“Nothing you could afford.”

“Sweetie, I’m demon, and an amazing one at that. Trust me, there is very little I can’t afford.”

Wanda paused. Her fingers tapped along her mug.

Tony’s grin widened. “Aw, there we go, I’m starting to sense what you want most.”

Wanda scowled. “That doesn’t mean I’ll agree to your terms. I’m not an idiot, making deals with demons never ends well.”

“Well, yeah, if you sell your soul it doesn’t, but what I am asking for is just a little blood to mix into some ink.”

Wanda mulled over Tony’s words. She bowed her head and gnawed at the inside of her cheek.

Tony’s smile widened, then just like a candle blown out by the wind, his smile vanished. “Oh.”

Wanda glanced up.

“What is it?” Steve asked.

Tony stared at Wanda for a moment then shook his head. “Sorry, I can’t do that. Another demon could, but for someone like me, it’s too risky. I could see if I could find someone else who could pull it off—someone less conspicuous.”

Wanda shook her head. “It’s a fool’s dream.”

Clint was intensely curious, and he could see that his two boyfriends were too. Tony loved to boast, and so far he’d proven that he could do just about anything. What could Wanda possibly want that Tony couldn’t fulfill?

“It doesn’t have to be. I have connections. I could—”

Wanda held up a hand to silence Tony. “Making deals with demons is what led to this mess in the first place. I won’t make the same mistake my parents did. However, that doesn’t mean I’m heartless.” Wanda went over to the fridge where she kept a pad of paper and pen. She scribbled an address on it. “You can contact a priest of your choice, but this man possesses gifts and is very spiritual. He has blessed many of his own charms and protections against demonkind. He’ll bless your ink without question.”

She handed the paper to Tony, and Tony accepted it.

Bucky leaned over Tony’s shoulder. His face scrunched. “I know that place. I think one of my co-workers went there for legal trouble once.” Bucky looked up at Wanda. “You're telling me there is lawyer with holy  magical powers who can fight off demons?”

“Ironic, no?” Wanda smiled.

Tony pocketed the address. “Perfect, now I just need a witch who is a tattoo artist, and who doesn’t mind chanting for hours on end as they ink up my lovely roommates.”

Wanda’s smile grew. “Now that I can help you with.”

Clint’s stomach fell out from the bottom. “No. Him too?”

Wanda nodded. “Of course. My brother is witch too, and Pietro is one of the best tattoo artists in the city.”


End file.
